We are V’Ger

The spacecraft Voyager 1 has left the solar system.

So long, arsehole. Don’t let the door hit your dish on the way out.

It’s great that you had a nice 36-year tour of the solar system on the US taxpayers’ dime.

But if there’s any scientific fact I learned growing up from broadcast television movies, it’s that as soon as Voyager reaches interstellar space, the fucking aliens are going to be pissed.

Voyager6

And they’re going to come, and they’re going to fuse with a bald chick, and they’re going to give us an ultimatum, like “Go back in time and save baleen whales from the Japanese, or we’ll destroy your planet, including all the remaining baleen whales.”

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have sent a probe out. But did we have to give the aliens a fucking map?

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In case you’re not familiar with US history, or you’re not an American, the above image is from a disk mounted to Voyager 1.

What rocket scientist came up with the idea to invite the galaxy to kick our asses? Once the aliens see there are only two of us, and we have no clothes (let alone weapons), they’re going to be like, “Shit, why wouldn’t we kick their asses?” It’d be a walk in the park.

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Now that I think of it, the plaque above isn’t from Voyager 1. It’s from one of the Pioneer spacecraft, which is also leaving the system, but in a different direction.

So, basically, like a bunch of idiots, we’re putting the call out everywhere.

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I’m not sure what any of that shit means, but the concept must be the same. I understand that Voyager also carries a bunch of recordings, sounds of the earth, including bird songs, and the Bill Hick set where he tells the marketing guy in the audience to kill himself.

We don’t know what kind of alien is going to find our invitations, but after watching one season of Falling Skies, why would we take any chances?

I’d have to kill myself if I lived in a world executive produced by Steven Spielberg.

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In the first place, all Spielberg has done with Falling Skies is replaced zombies with aliens. The plot lines and dramatic conflicts and cheesy character dynamics are pretty much the same as Walking Dead. Which is bad enough, without having to watch Noah Wyle in a lead role.

Frankly, I’m tired of both the alien invasion and the zombie genres. So, I’m not a good person to ask honestly about this show. Why can’t anyone come up with a new genre? Like, what if the alien attack happened two weeks after the zombie outbreak. That would be cool because then everybody would be fighting one another, and making alliances and changing teams, and then there would be alien zombies, and that’s your show. There’s your show. I’d watch it.

And I’d be glad if there were a show like that. It would make sending those invitations to the universe worth it.

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