My name is Simon Eskow.

I’m a pen for hire.

I grew up in the Bronx, NY in the United States. The Bronx is the only of New York’s five boroughs on the American mainland. The rest of the boroughs, Manhattan, Bronx, Queens and Staten Island are all trying to float away from the Bronx as fast as they can.

If you’ve ever wondered why THE Bronx, but you’re too lazy to Google it yourself, click here for a brief explanation of the borough’s name.

See? This page is supposed to be about me, and I just can’t help GIVING BACK TO YOU the kind of high quality, largely factual written entertainment you can find at Basementlife-nz.com

I don’t mind giving this to you for free. But, fair warning, I’m trying to get paid for writing funny shit. So I hope you understand it if from now on, I let the quality of this website go way down hill. That way, I will artificially inflate the pricing of the material I’m actually trying to sell. So, you see. IF you think this blog sucks, the joke is ACTUALLY on you.

You want to know something? I lived most of my life in New York City. I studied art at Cooper Union and years later got an MFA in creative writing at the New School. And then in 2009, I moved to Auckland. All because I didn’t call heads, I called tails, and Jacquie won. She was from New Zealand originally, so she knew the terrain.

I was the editor of Reseller News from January, 2011 to July 2013 when Fairfax stopped printing the four technology business publications it licensed from IDG.

And that’s it, really. I need work. I’d like to write comedy for a living. But I’m available for any creative writing services you need.

This blog is a semi-fictional account of a native New Yorker’s uneasy adjustment to life in New Zealand.  You can read my explanation to the uninitiated about Rugby during the 2011 Rugby World Cup, and how New Zealand television commercials are just as impressive as the ones you see during the Superbowl. I’ve written about the media elite in the US, and the importance of wearing clean underwear everywhere.

There are tons of pictures from my road-trip/mid-life crisis, fun graphics to help you out during a natural disaster and even a couple of cartoons (here and here).

Many people have visited Basement Life to read my entry on Martha’s Backyard, a somewhat popular shopping destination for American expats. I intend to re-visit Martha’s some time soon, but I have no idea when.

Others have come from around the world to read my explanation of why a blink of the eye in geologic time is equal to about nine months in human time.

Thanks for stopping by.

Simon Eskow

simon.eskow@gmail.com